Cinders

Everyday memories are made and some you only wish would fade

Yet every day it seems they only burn brighter 

Yet is it just that you choose to let this fire scold you?

Can you not hold the ember and use it to ignite your fire

Harrowing thoughts are only meant to serve as a gentle reminder  

The lengths of your intellect will remain your only constraint

Speculations over a fault long forgotten only exceedingly expresses a once healed scar

Your only escape is to ease the degree of your imperious psyche

A strenuous task even for the most tranquil being

Just remember liberation will never evade your grasp

The capacity for freedom lies in your misery

Embers set a blaze by agonizing memories scorched on your thoughts

Average Life

      What do you consider an average life? Is an average life really what it sounds like? For the longest time I've really been pondering why it feels like I'm getting myself stuck in this average life of mine, for a long time it really unsettled me. After debating about this in my mind for weeks, I've realized something,  my life may appear average in every way, maybe even below average, but my life is AMAZING!
     I've brought tears, joy, anger, happiness, laughter, and hope to people I've encountered on my life, that is such an amazing feeling that is so under appreciated in modern society. The famous and elite of this world are in no way above average by todays standards, we're just trained to believe so and work toward that, and well it's bullshit.
      What makes you who you are and your life worth living and so above average, is your encounters with the people you know and love in your daily life. That is such a powerful and great feeling, never ever forget that. I see people who can drop a rhyme in ten seconds like no one else and have me in tears laughing so hard, people who create powerful art that I can hardly embrace, people with the kindest most gentle hearts, people who will just outright make you laugh for the most outrageous things. Yet here we are trying to live a so called above average life, and we forget all about this little things that define us and bring us the most heartwarming joy.
      The little things we do for others without even realizing or comprehending it, is what makes our lives so very above average. I write this and I can hardly contain my joy because I'm so thankful for all the joy, laughs, and sadness everyone has distilled in me, because it such a powerful feeling. We overlook how powerful our emotions are and what it means to connect on an emotional level. That very ability is what makes everyone god damn person on this planet above average, don't ever forget. Embrace that, love it, take it in stride, and don't forget you are very above average.

Future Days

      I read a quote the other day, its exact words I know not, but the fact is, what it said really hit home with me. The exact quote I know not, to poorly paraphrase it read something similar to " You tell yourself it will happen in the future to put off making it happen in the present"
     The point being the immensity of my goals at 14 compared to 18 have changed a plethora. Not necessarily saying that is a bad thing, it's not exactly a good thing. I've given up my extreme goals to meet more realistic goals and desires. However, those desires and goals, will never be my dreams, they don't compare! The sad fact is every day I tell myself "well so-and-so wasn't famous till he was older" that's how I sleep at night, and why I'm awake now. I sleep at night because they some people didn't impact the world till they were so much older. Yet as of now I sit here awake because I know that a day hadn't gone by with those people where they hadn't uncontrollably thought and worked toward their dreams.
      Yet here I am, and I don't even know how I'm trying to change how people think ,or how the world operates. Still, I make it a goal! You know how stringent and constant that ever so subtle stress is on the human body? I beat myself to Hell at times, yet I have no clue why it seems.
      I guess my only point is, the time is never tomorrow, but instead it is today, it's never too late to make a change no matter the immensity of the change! You have to have the power of will to tell yourself you can do it, and even to make it happen.

Ball and Chain

Growin' up I was never told to be a simple man

Or to be something I love and understand
It was always thought that I should have the upper hand

I just gotta learn what it is that compels me

I promise give me time, some day you'll see

Because its not just about the score on some SAT

I hope never feel like I did those days

But the sting of the pain I feel always

Day by day I'm searching for some of Lifes many joys

I don't want whats past, or what's ahead, I only want what is now

Let me make my mistakes and raise some hell for now

With ignorance and joys of immaturity I will howl

I cant wait for happiness to appear

Because never finding it is my biggest fear

I know you have so much to say, but its like I cant hear 

Eventually ill find a light in this clouded sky

Until then i can't let life pass me by

Maybe someday ill catch the breeze and fly

I just need my chance to be insane 

Maybe someday it will all be to my gain

I can't spend my life a prisoner of disdain

And the fact of the matter is my mind is at war

It's like with so much guidance I'm left here tore

Someday with age, and lack of knowledge my body will grow sore

Until then I'm asking for even more slack to the rope

I know it seems like I'll be left without a single hope

Thing is until then a part of me will always mope

Taking Flight

They call it self evaluation 

So refrain from your persuasion

Let me form my own reputation

For once happiness isn't perceived as fake

I ask you watch me make my mistake

Because it will always be mine to make

Where I'm headed I don't know

Just let me go and I'll try and take things slow

Let me learn to appreciate every blow

Give me time I know I can withstand

Because the truth is I understand 

You've already walked, where I stand

I'm holding the cards, let me play the game

I gotta learn to hold my head regardless of the shame

Let me laugh, move on and take the blame

It's not easy to for some to observe

I start to straighten up then I hit a curve

I'm sorry that it's striking your every nerve

All in good time I will grow more aware

Until then I'm sure I'll be reason of some scare

But don't toss me in this interrogation chair

People will forever be in need of space

You don't always need to take chase

Let me finish last in a race

Because it's my race to complete

To me the feeling of winning is obsolete

Right now I have no wish to compete

I'm gonna trip, hurt myself and fall

When It's over I'll have been through it all

Maybe then I will be able to stand up tall

The thing is, to me making mistakes is important

Until I've made them on my own, expect I'll be insubordinate 

This is one thing I wish to coordinate 

Perceptual Imbalance

It goes like this, one, two, three, four

Scary thoughts knocking on my door

I'm at a loss, searching for more

Given an unknown dream that feels out of place

I'm standing still while the world partakes in this race

In the opposite direction my heart will take chase

 

At times I feel so empty in my thoughts and hopes

With displeasure and misguidance my mind mopes

I feel a shove as I take to the tight ropes

My mind takes refuge in this undiscovered atmosphere

Echoes distort what is here, what is there, and these thoughts I hear

There is no comfort from this ever so foreign fear

 

Painfuly I feel my mind begin to retract from my soul

Misery is sinking in, I'm second guessing every goal

Reality has struck and the world is taking it's toll

I've gone to fast on this road and broken down

Try as I might I can't wish away this everlasting frown

In thes abstract tears I begin to drown

 

By night the day and my thoughts grow so cold

The chill of the night forces these walls to fold

I stand here stranded for my courage is no longer so bold

These demons appear from where the hide

I'm stuck here alone searching for some sort of guide

Then it occurs that; by my writing my mind will abide

 

 

 

Memories in The Making

      Fortunately for some of my readers my post isn't me rambling on, or anything crazy of the sort, instead; about some of my recent experiences. Tuesday afternoon I arrived at the airport and made my first flight alone to visit my sister out west for a few days before I started my career (It's so fun calling it that). I arrived at my destination as I phoned my sister with the remaining 3% phone battery I had, at which she responded "Shit, your early!". I kind of chuckled, no worries, I needed time to navigate to the pick up section of the airport anyhow. However my phone did die before she arrived, luckily we were on the same page as to where I was to be picked up.

      Upon arrival I got to stop at daycare and enter with my sister to pick up my little nephew, my oh my how he is changing from a "Little Baby" to toddler. I immediately began having a ball with the little man and ended up keeping him wide eyed two hours past bedtime, my apologies to daycare. We sat around and enjoyed the evening talked, caught up, and all departed to our beds before too long.

     As the result of a little bit of a diaper blowout i was able to catch some very entertaining pictures of the guy in the tub.

     The next few days were pretty relaxed, got to sit around, watch some new good movies, and catch up with my family. Then Friday morning I helped my brother close on his house, and we immediately began with some renovations, and spent the rest of the afternoon tearing it up, and having a good time. We came back early ate dinner with my sister's family, then relaxed at his current home for a bit while we watched none other than "Super Troopers". 

     Oddly enough I rolled out of bed at 6:50 me and my brother quickly departed the house with a truckload of old carpet and rolled to the dump. We stopped at a local diner and picked up some delicious, unhealthy, greasy breakfast with coffee. Next stop we met my sister and her family for a nice trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We drove a really nice route along some breathtakingly steep drops, sharp turns, and beautiful sights. Hanging out the window with my giant camera taking awesome pictures a long the way, I had a fantastic time. Unfortunately this trip meant the death of my two year old, incredibly dirty, comfortable, broken in, favorite hat as it flew off in my attempt to take a picture (I may not be over this for a while). Below are some of the beautiful mountain pictures I was able to capture.

    Although all of this was an absolutely great time, the best part of this little trip, was just short of our departure from the park. On our way out, we came a across a moose, not just a single one though, three in fact. We were able to witness a mother working tireless to keep between a bull moose and her young calf who couldn't have been but three feet tall. I was able to get within probably 20 yards away just standing beside the vehicle while I, along with endless amounts of tourists, was capturing photos of the beautiful sight to be had. It was probably a once in a lifetime sight and I was very fortunate to experience it, and share the awesome moment with my family.

 Note that the bull moose appeared to have what appears to be a massive scar on his left shoulder.