Cinders

Everyday memories are made and some you only wish would fade

Yet every day it seems they only burn brighter 

Yet is it just that you choose to let this fire scold you?

Can you not hold the ember and use it to ignite your fire

Harrowing thoughts are only meant to serve as a gentle reminder  

The lengths of your intellect will remain your only constraint

Speculations over a fault long forgotten only exceedingly expresses a once healed scar

Your only escape is to ease the degree of your imperious psyche

A strenuous task even for the most tranquil being

Just remember liberation will never evade your grasp

The capacity for freedom lies in your misery

Embers set a blaze by agonizing memories scorched on your thoughts

Average Life

      What do you consider an average life? Is an average life really what it sounds like? For the longest time I've really been pondering why it feels like I'm getting myself stuck in this average life of mine, for a long time it really unsettled me. After debating about this in my mind for weeks, I've realized something,  my life may appear average in every way, maybe even below average, but my life is AMAZING!
     I've brought tears, joy, anger, happiness, laughter, and hope to people I've encountered on my life, that is such an amazing feeling that is so under appreciated in modern society. The famous and elite of this world are in no way above average by todays standards, we're just trained to believe so and work toward that, and well it's bullshit.
      What makes you who you are and your life worth living and so above average, is your encounters with the people you know and love in your daily life. That is such a powerful and great feeling, never ever forget that. I see people who can drop a rhyme in ten seconds like no one else and have me in tears laughing so hard, people who create powerful art that I can hardly embrace, people with the kindest most gentle hearts, people who will just outright make you laugh for the most outrageous things. Yet here we are trying to live a so called above average life, and we forget all about this little things that define us and bring us the most heartwarming joy.
      The little things we do for others without even realizing or comprehending it, is what makes our lives so very above average. I write this and I can hardly contain my joy because I'm so thankful for all the joy, laughs, and sadness everyone has distilled in me, because it such a powerful feeling. We overlook how powerful our emotions are and what it means to connect on an emotional level. That very ability is what makes everyone god damn person on this planet above average, don't ever forget. Embrace that, love it, take it in stride, and don't forget you are very above average.

Future Days

      I read a quote the other day, its exact words I know not, but the fact is, what it said really hit home with me. The exact quote I know not, to poorly paraphrase it read something similar to " You tell yourself it will happen in the future to put off making it happen in the present"
     The point being the immensity of my goals at 14 compared to 18 have changed a plethora. Not necessarily saying that is a bad thing, it's not exactly a good thing. I've given up my extreme goals to meet more realistic goals and desires. However, those desires and goals, will never be my dreams, they don't compare! The sad fact is every day I tell myself "well so-and-so wasn't famous till he was older" that's how I sleep at night, and why I'm awake now. I sleep at night because they some people didn't impact the world till they were so much older. Yet as of now I sit here awake because I know that a day hadn't gone by with those people where they hadn't uncontrollably thought and worked toward their dreams.
      Yet here I am, and I don't even know how I'm trying to change how people think ,or how the world operates. Still, I make it a goal! You know how stringent and constant that ever so subtle stress is on the human body? I beat myself to Hell at times, yet I have no clue why it seems.
      I guess my only point is, the time is never tomorrow, but instead it is today, it's never too late to make a change no matter the immensity of the change! You have to have the power of will to tell yourself you can do it, and even to make it happen.

Ball and Chain

Growin' up I was never told to be a simple man

Or to be something I love and understand
It was always thought that I should have the upper hand

I just gotta learn what it is that compels me

I promise give me time, some day you'll see

Because its not just about the score on some SAT

I hope never feel like I did those days

But the sting of the pain I feel always

Day by day I'm searching for some of Lifes many joys

I don't want whats past, or what's ahead, I only want what is now

Let me make my mistakes and raise some hell for now

With ignorance and joys of immaturity I will howl

I cant wait for happiness to appear

Because never finding it is my biggest fear

I know you have so much to say, but its like I cant hear 

Eventually ill find a light in this clouded sky

Until then i can't let life pass me by

Maybe someday ill catch the breeze and fly

I just need my chance to be insane 

Maybe someday it will all be to my gain

I can't spend my life a prisoner of disdain

And the fact of the matter is my mind is at war

It's like with so much guidance I'm left here tore

Someday with age, and lack of knowledge my body will grow sore

Until then I'm asking for even more slack to the rope

I know it seems like I'll be left without a single hope

Thing is until then a part of me will always mope

Taking Flight

They call it self evaluation 

So refrain from your persuasion

Let me form my own reputation

For once happiness isn't perceived as fake

I ask you watch me make my mistake

Because it will always be mine to make

Where I'm headed I don't know

Just let me go and I'll try and take things slow

Let me learn to appreciate every blow

Give me time I know I can withstand

Because the truth is I understand 

You've already walked, where I stand

I'm holding the cards, let me play the game

I gotta learn to hold my head regardless of the shame

Let me laugh, move on and take the blame

It's not easy to for some to observe

I start to straighten up then I hit a curve

I'm sorry that it's striking your every nerve

All in good time I will grow more aware

Until then I'm sure I'll be reason of some scare

But don't toss me in this interrogation chair

People will forever be in need of space

You don't always need to take chase

Let me finish last in a race

Because it's my race to complete

To me the feeling of winning is obsolete

Right now I have no wish to compete

I'm gonna trip, hurt myself and fall

When It's over I'll have been through it all

Maybe then I will be able to stand up tall

The thing is, to me making mistakes is important

Until I've made them on my own, expect I'll be insubordinate 

This is one thing I wish to coordinate 

Perceptual Imbalance

It goes like this, one, two, three, four

Scary thoughts knocking on my door

I'm at a loss, searching for more

Given an unknown dream that feels out of place

I'm standing still while the world partakes in this race

In the opposite direction my heart will take chase

 

At times I feel so empty in my thoughts and hopes

With displeasure and misguidance my mind mopes

I feel a shove as I take to the tight ropes

My mind takes refuge in this undiscovered atmosphere

Echoes distort what is here, what is there, and these thoughts I hear

There is no comfort from this ever so foreign fear

 

Painfuly I feel my mind begin to retract from my soul

Misery is sinking in, I'm second guessing every goal

Reality has struck and the world is taking it's toll

I've gone to fast on this road and broken down

Try as I might I can't wish away this everlasting frown

In thes abstract tears I begin to drown

 

By night the day and my thoughts grow so cold

The chill of the night forces these walls to fold

I stand here stranded for my courage is no longer so bold

These demons appear from where the hide

I'm stuck here alone searching for some sort of guide

Then it occurs that; by my writing my mind will abide

 

 

 

Memories in The Making

      Fortunately for some of my readers my post isn't me rambling on, or anything crazy of the sort, instead; about some of my recent experiences. Tuesday afternoon I arrived at the airport and made my first flight alone to visit my sister out west for a few days before I started my career (It's so fun calling it that). I arrived at my destination as I phoned my sister with the remaining 3% phone battery I had, at which she responded "Shit, your early!". I kind of chuckled, no worries, I needed time to navigate to the pick up section of the airport anyhow. However my phone did die before she arrived, luckily we were on the same page as to where I was to be picked up.

      Upon arrival I got to stop at daycare and enter with my sister to pick up my little nephew, my oh my how he is changing from a "Little Baby" to toddler. I immediately began having a ball with the little man and ended up keeping him wide eyed two hours past bedtime, my apologies to daycare. We sat around and enjoyed the evening talked, caught up, and all departed to our beds before too long.

     As the result of a little bit of a diaper blowout i was able to catch some very entertaining pictures of the guy in the tub.

     The next few days were pretty relaxed, got to sit around, watch some new good movies, and catch up with my family. Then Friday morning I helped my brother close on his house, and we immediately began with some renovations, and spent the rest of the afternoon tearing it up, and having a good time. We came back early ate dinner with my sister's family, then relaxed at his current home for a bit while we watched none other than "Super Troopers". 

     Oddly enough I rolled out of bed at 6:50 me and my brother quickly departed the house with a truckload of old carpet and rolled to the dump. We stopped at a local diner and picked up some delicious, unhealthy, greasy breakfast with coffee. Next stop we met my sister and her family for a nice trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We drove a really nice route along some breathtakingly steep drops, sharp turns, and beautiful sights. Hanging out the window with my giant camera taking awesome pictures a long the way, I had a fantastic time. Unfortunately this trip meant the death of my two year old, incredibly dirty, comfortable, broken in, favorite hat as it flew off in my attempt to take a picture (I may not be over this for a while). Below are some of the beautiful mountain pictures I was able to capture.

    Although all of this was an absolutely great time, the best part of this little trip, was just short of our departure from the park. On our way out, we came a across a moose, not just a single one though, three in fact. We were able to witness a mother working tireless to keep between a bull moose and her young calf who couldn't have been but three feet tall. I was able to get within probably 20 yards away just standing beside the vehicle while I, along with endless amounts of tourists, was capturing photos of the beautiful sight to be had. It was probably a once in a lifetime sight and I was very fortunate to experience it, and share the awesome moment with my family.

 Note that the bull moose appeared to have what appears to be a massive scar on his left shoulder.

Commencement Speech

Just a commencement speech I wrote for English class:

Hello, my name is Trent Sudhoff, and I’m your nominated commencement speaker for the 2013 graduating class of Garrett High School and I would like to thank the teachers, staff, and administration for the excellent high school experience they provided

“Education is not preparation for life, it is life itself” The wise words of John Dewey

 I observe nieces and nephews as they grow older, Interview for a career, prepare for graduation, reminisce about worry free days of innocence, and ponder where life has brought me. Then it hits me just how fast life really goes. Today I stand here with 160 other graduated adults, 18 years of age, and starting careers, or pursing further education. Our care free summers have come to and end, no more late nights with failed hopes of dozing in class, finishing homework at 2 A.M. because we procrastinated all weekend and had fun instead, these will all have become distant memories for us. Life has truly begun for us.
Ten years ago, I dreamt that by this time I would be doing something outstanding in life. Standing in front of you today, as I feel a bit of resentment, I have to laugh at the thought. We all can still dream of our unfulfilled goals, but the truth is reality has set in. We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place now. We may choose to go down a path many have chosen with stability, assurance, and simplicity. Or we may pave our own path that could lead through some discomfort, instability, hard times, and maybe eventually FULFILLMENT.
 Today, as we prepare to set out into the world, we have very little, very little to lose, but so much to gain in life. I tell you this because every one of us could change the world, we must pursue our dreams though. Ten years from now, you will have an education, career and family, and because of fear, may never have the chance to achieve a dream. Start today, because life isn’t going to slow down for you, if you want to change the world and pursue a dream you must start now. Before it’s too late and there’s too much to lose, pursue while the pursuit is good. Do what you care about in life, find that drive, you will change the world, and much love and happiness will come.

Regrets could come for dreams aren’t easy to fulfill when you are reaching for the stars. Some dreams may be smaller than others, but all the same do your best to fulfill them. The people that find there passion, there drive, those are the people that change the world. When your old sitting in a rocking chair at the local retirement home and looking back on life. Would you rather regret the food you ate that didn’t agree with you while traveling over seas, saving lives, studying abroad, or doing research, or would you rather regret the path you chose in life? I’m not sure about you, but to me the bad food sounds like it makes for a much more humorous story. However the choice is yours to make, may you choose wisely.

Word For Thought

     Anyone who has read much of my blog, well it wouldn't take them long to notice, all I really wanna do is just have an impact on a few people's lives when mines over. Well a couple of months back a few things made me realize just what it means to do that, and I never even realized I had done it. I've learned to appreciate who I've got and the strength of mind and family I have been blessed with.

     I randomly started talking to an acquaintance of mine one day, and we kept our conversation pretty simple at first. We kind of talked about a previous relationship and a person formerly known as my best friend. Then something happened with them and when I expressed my concern they began to just kind of open up to me. Treading lightly at first and soon enough telling me more than they had every told anyone (according to them). I just talked with them about some things for a few hours and did my best to help them with any issue I thought I could.

     We just kept kind of periodically talking and I would help them with anyone issues I could and sneak in my advice. Some time had passed since we had talked and one night I made a tweet stating that if I just had altered one person's life in a positive way before I had died my life would have been a success. Soon enough I got a message from anonymous stating that I had helped them more than anyone in the world ever had. They informed me that before we started talking they had cut themselves as a way to bypass the pain of their emotions. Just hearing this made me so humble and appreciate what I have and who I have in my life.

      After hearing this I told them how much that really meant to me, and how that was the best thanks I had ever gotten and how it meant more to me than anything ever had. So a couple weeks went by and I hadn't talked to them much, I got caught up in life(So I thought). Well upon talking to them they had informed me they had cut themselves again, I felt like I failed them and let them down. Then some things hit me, I wasn't caught up in life. I was caught up in ME, and making me happier than need be so. Life isn't making money, becoming famous, or going far. Life's helping those that matter, and those that need it a long the way. When you leave this world those are the people standing over you with a tear in there eye, because you had done so much more for them than most people will ever know.

     I see this person and they are a kind, passionate, observant, intelligent, wise, gentle, and humble being and I couldn't understand what had led them to do such a thing. Then after talking some more with them I realized it was just the loneliness of being an outcast, not an outcast for any reason but by choice. Honestly I can relate to the feeling. Some people are outcast because they just don't fit, and my heart goes out to them, because they are stronger than most people I know. Me and anonymous though, we've chosen to be a sort of outcast. It's hard when you don't have a desire to be the same as anyone else, to dress the same, act the same, and just be a clone. Not many people understand that, and those that do are so few and far apart it's get's a little lonely.

     Opening up about how different you really are is easier said then done, four years ago I made up my mind I wasn't going to be another duplicate. Now I'm really just coming to terms with the decision, It's the best one I've ever made in my life. I'm social, I like to have fun, I'm not shy, I joke around, I talk to everyone, and choosing to be different was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't imagine not doing it without those traits, but here I see this amazing person doing it, and they struggling so hard. How can I help them though? I just don't know, I want to do so much more yet here I am, with so little to offer. It just kills me watching someone who just doesn't know what to do anymore.

     So anyhow a couple more weeks go by and another younger acquaintance I had known who had tried to commit suicide a couple weeks back, had messaged me wanting to talk. Just hearing what she had to say and doing my best to help made me realize how similar these people really were. Upon doing my best to help them, they also informed me of their gratitude for my words. First off I want to thank both of these people for making me realize so much, and for letting me help them. Having a positive impact on someones life through my words, is honestly the greatest feeling I've ever known.

     Advice to anyone who is reading this and feels likes life throwing all it's got at you. Well before it get's better it's going to get worse. Remember this though (Even though I'm not religious) God gives his toughest assignment to his strongest pawns. I know what it's like to feel like you have no one to talk to, but there is always someone there for you, and at the very least there is always me. When you want to give up on someone, something, or everything thing, don't, things will get better. I can't tell you how many late nights I've spent listening to music as loud as I could, writing, thinking and hating myself for reasons I didn't know. It got me know where, but closer to the bottom of the barrel. Move on from the past, because if you live life looking through the rearview mirror, you'll miss what lies ahead. Live in the present, live for the moment. Don't be afraid to leave people in your life behind, people change, relationships fall apart, it a part of life. Don't be blinded by how good something once was, because it will make you miserable. Do you best to fix it, if your best doesn't work stop right there, because something isn't right. Try and keep it on good terms, and step away.

      Getting through times of painful self-evaluation, and philosophical thoughts about your life isn't always easy. However, there are many things that can make it easier for you, unfortunately you must find these on your own. For me it was always writing and woodworking while I listened to my favorite music. For you it could be anything, but make sure at the end of everyday you have time for you and to do what you enjoy most, that's a must for a blissful life, never forget that. Last slow down, take your time, who cares if you don't have that much money in your pocket, or if you sat on the couch all weekend. There's plenty of time for working and making money, and not enough time in this world for some peace. Life's got something good for you, you just have to believe that eventually you'll make it to where you wanna be.

Allow Me To Explain

     Almost every person who reads my blog loves to inform me just how sad it is, yes, I'm aware of this. Let me inform you, your looking at it all wrong though. I'm here to organize thoughts, pain, happiness, and life in a way that matters. I relieve myself of my happiness everyday, It's easy. How can someone just relieve sadness all the time though? I mean you can, but no one wants to be around you. So I write it out, rid myself of my troubles, and I get to do creatively.

      If your really pay attention to every poem posted, this is really hard to notice, but I enlighten myself to just how capable I am of moving on in life. It starts out sad, but if you can catch it ends with a sort of (In the words of Homer Simpson) epiphany. If I force myself to write about how bad it sucks, I can force myself to think about how many more important things there in life. It's messed up, I know, shit maybe I don't even understand it. Okay I don't, but think about it, and if you can figure it out, well get back to me. Until then sleep sounds good, Deuces.

Hakuna Matata

The past has long ago departed 

Still a distant memory never fails to get me started

Sitting here still feeling a little broken hearted

Scars concealed by the kindest smile

Yet those wonder why it's hard to talk a while

Living with fear a smile will turn vile

Sometimes I don't feel a thing everything becomes distant

Other times with out notice I'm hit hard in an instant

All I ask is the pain play consistent 

Because I hear your name

Sometimes it consumes me with a cloud of shame

No longer is my mindset tame

Don't play the fool to a calm persona

Because what I really feel will never cease to fool ya

Honestly I live on the edge of a pool of lava

So I jot down a miserable piece consisting another sad word

Realize I'm only removing them from me as I move forward

May I eventually move away from these thoughts so wayward

Celestial Courage

Revealed best at the dead of night

I walk outside consumed by a full moons light

Proving to me not only the sun must shine so bright

When I feel all alone at the days end

I allow my heart to begin to slowly descend

I catch light of the moon my closest friend

Soon I begin to remember the past so obsolete

Memories left behind torn and incomplete 

I sit divided, while heart and mind compete

Alone I stand a soul created for solitude

Made to move the earth with an utter magnitude

While what is within remains its only feud

 My only controversy that is purely domestic

None will ever understand why I remain skeptic

Everything visceral becomes completely hectic

With happiness and chaos may I sit and wonder

I choose to act as individual on these thoughts I ponder

Because it is my happiness that lies yonder 

        Here's another boring post for my few readers to scavenge on! I'm just laying here, restless getting absorbed into another deep thought about where life's about to take me, nine more weeks and I'm graduated! Well as I'm sure you all know I have been anticipating graduation and where I will be going for a long time now. Still; I have hardly any clue, I'm not that worried though.

        I'm breaking it down, and smiling at what I got, because that's what I'll use. I've got motivation, I'm innovative, strong willed, driven, and I live by my morals. As far as I can tell, those characteristics are enough to set me up with something eventually. College, maybe soon, maybe never. Why cross a bridge I'm not ready to? Why worry? I know eventually I'll make it somewhere, until then, I'm gonna let life take me on a little ride.

       The thing is, I have no reason to feel rushed or pressured about choosing something that will set me up for the next forty years. I'll get somewhere I can bare to be, and maybe life will let me stumble my way to where I wanna be. I know when I find it I'm gonna shine, because when there's a little passion behind me, well step out of the way or you'll get run over. That's a fact - ask my family.

       

Pain Serves As A Heavy Burden

In a world were there's nowhere left to belong

My mind doesn't understand the right from wrong

The words feel empty inside this broken song

Because by night my train of thought grows so long

The struggle starts as my mind begins to shift back

I'm looking down as I fall through this crack

Reaching at the rope pulling only catching more slack

My grip breaks away like a worn out tack

Fighting for a breath of air, I was victim to no lust

Instead I lay here broken, a victim to unjust

I alone lie as keeper to my trust

Surrounded by parasites tearing away at me like rust

Every feeling hardened by lonesome character

Through it all may my soul resist to tear

I'll take the weight and throw it upon my shoulders to bear

As I reverse it's intensity and it carries me through the air

Define Me

By heart, A writer

Known to some a lover

By fewer yet, a fighter

Words used to make the bad, right

Some captured by my loves might

While anger confuses wrong from right

Rips sewn to hold me tighter
Hate consumes me as a cover
I move to fist only slighter
Words come to me as natural as sight
With passion may my rage ignite
Fighting only when I have no light

This hate urges on like a freight train

Riding shotgun to my thoughts is the pain

Brought on by your dishonest action

Realize now that for every action is a reaction

A reaction of biblical proportions stirs inside

Emotions breaking through, no longer will they hide

You will remain made an example from this affliction

Who you said you were and what you've done, a contradiction

No longer will I stand by so indolently

I can only wish your life become a true melancholy 

Misfortune casted on me by you, won't go without reprisal

Your memory will no longer live on as an idol

What Would It Be Like?

       Ever felt so curious about what it would be like to die? Ever experienced a moment with the most perplexed curiosity about life and death. I know I have, not during the moments I was sad or angry, instead when life was good, and I was happy. I never once considered doing anything, just thought about what it would feel like, where I would go.
       I was born with an incredibly open mind regarding life, and the afterlife, in general.  I only think about it when my life is where I want it to be, because if I do go, that's how I wanna go. I'm a happy person with "dull" periods in my life. Periods where it's not as easy getting out of bed. I'm regarded as a very happy-go-lucky person, I can't think about it when others have a different outlook on me.
      How could I imagine leaving when, I'm not really at a good point in life? You never know what could happen, or when the decision has been made about your departure. Be prepared, make sure at any moment your at peace with your mistakes and the world around you.
      I love to think the afterlife when I'm happy because it's so fascinating, I'm always living a few steps ahead of myself. It's never to soon to think about it. My curiosity can't resist, am I reincarnated? Do I just die? Will I go to heaven?
      Not sure why, but death has always seemed to spark some sort of philosophical curiosity inside me. I've always found it entertaining to think about, have you?

When I die

       How do you wanna be remembered when you die?

       Everyone feels the need to bolt around in an attempt to satisfy people who don't really matter to them. Wether it's a boss, colleague, neighbor or even a "friend", if your have to work THAT hard they don't matter. Don't deny the fact that you do it, EVERYONE does, myself included.

      You can never cut that desire out of your life completely, society has shoved it down our throats, and everyone just seems to "accept" it so lazily. I'm not here to tell you its horrible that you could ever accept things you don't agree with, I'm here to say sometimes it's okay to resist, or question them.

       I hear people who say they don't care what people think, but they do, or else they wouldn't have any secrets courageously protected.  Now that I've stated that, I want to move on the question I asked at the beginning of this post. When you leave the world are you gonna be another duplicate caught up in societies threshold?

      If you answered no, then make a change, don't just change the things you do or why you do them. You have to change your whole outlook on life and it's meaning to YOU. Who cares what it means to anyone else but you, because it's your life and you should feel free to live it how you want. Because the people that can do that, those people, those are the people that are remembered. 

      I say that casually but there is much more meaning behind it. When I say life's meaning to you, that doesn't mean disregard others outlook. It means you hold yours at the absolute highest regard, and learn from how they live. Think about how they live, question it and how making similar decisions in your life may alter your it.

      If you don't like what your hearing right now, feel free to scroll to the top left of the screen and press the exit button. I'm not here to please you, or anyone else for that matter. Don't like what I hear? Good, maybe I'm pushing that little button, society overlooks, that is a satisfying feeling I must say. Maybe, it means I'm moving you and telling you something you just don't wanna accept. I'm only here to attempt inspire my audience, even if it's only person. 

       Don't wait to make the change, because before you realize it's to late. You have too much to lose, if you step to far out on that limb and it breaks you have nothing. So instead of making the change when you have something, make it when you have nothing. If you already have something, then make it before you have more to lose.

       For example, look at where I stand in life, seventeen halfway through my senior year of high school. Now, I could go to college, get a business degree, and work in an office making money. Life is just around the corner for me, so much lies in store. Problem is I live in little Small Town, USA, now how could I know what I truly want to do, when I have seen so little of the world? 

       How can I make a decision that will alter the rest of my life, when I don't even know what's out there for me? I cannot not do that, because I know if I do, I will never be at peace as I wonder, What could have been? So I'm going to go and take a chance with my life, I'm not going to pursue anything but happiness, unlike so much of this world.

      I'm going to do my best to stand out and inspire, yes I will do things that make me unhappy, it's part of life, it's healthy. Why is it healthy? I get to learn, learn what I don't like, for the future. I could go to college immediately following school, but I won't. Instead I'm gonna go out on the limb, and learn about the world around me.

      I have so much in mind, but I have nowhere near enough experience to decide if those are right for me. How could I? I'm seventeen, I don't know where I want to be in 10 years, or what will satisfy me. Everyone is in search for instant gratification, so they find it through, money, prestige, and education. Not that bliss impossible to find earlier on, I just feel so many people overlook it.

       Real gratification lies in passion, and happiness, are you passionate about what you do? Do you really enjoy your job or career? That's something I need in my life, and I think everyone deserves. So I will wait to make the choice that sets me up for the rest of my life.

       All I'm asking is do something that truly makes you happy, NOTHING is impossible. Aspire to make an art out of what you love, well if you suck, maybe it's not the right choice. You ned talent and  to enjoy it, find that happy median and you're good. 

       Not every person will find absolute gratification from there job,  but so many people can come so much closer. It absolutely kills me inside to see someone so discontent with their career. It's been forged in our brain that money holds higher value than happiness, I feel discomforted just thinking about it.

      I'm not saying I'll be the guy who jumps with indefinite joy getting up for work, but I can't have a career that makes me unhappy. I must work at something I enjoy, and am passionate about. That's how you make a difference, just allow your passion to be the absolute drive behind you.
       You could be the most richest man in the world, but if there is no passion behind your motives you won't be remembered. At least not how you wish to be remembered. You never know what could happen, just make sure your ready to leave this world at any moment. Be at peace with mistakes, and use them to help yourself and others.
      That's how you get remembered, I'll never be famous, but if just one person remembers some inspiring words I may have shared with them. Well, I couldn't imagine any better way to be remembered. That's how I want to be remember, it puts my body at peace to think about it.
       Do you do enough to bring you to peace? It could be whatever you please, because if you work hard enough at it and aspire to become something, you get far. Nothing is impossible, just find the passion inside of you.

       

   

Meaning Behind My Words

I’m beginning to apply myself as I venture out into this world alone

I plead my soul persist on this pursuit of a serene reaction

When clouded by emotions my mind struggles to condone

Only after my introspection has settled may I choose to take action

Searching endlessly for the avenue of this world, that remains unknown

May my weaknesses guide me, and provide my sanity unfathomable traction

In life troubles will always exist, their abundance, often unable comprehend

My essence fortunate, for this alone resides my isolated strife

To these troubles will my thoughts depart and perpetually extend

This concept will preserver, hard to grasp, my mind molded increasingly fife

For it strengthens my internal compass until my wit falls to its end

Bittersweet to ponder at times, imagine being sculpted by a dull knife

I choose to take record of the moment; I don’t feel it essential to retain

They say don’t make the same mistake twice, duly noted is every feeling

These words here for reference, I need not to relive the pain

With every article may I continue, I’m evolving into a blissful being

In every submission I know I will be able to find a gain

For when I am lost they lay my problems out entirely for viewing

Keeping Myself At Bay

By a heavy heart and tireless mind, may I always abide

Emotions can trigger an explosive reaction within

A raging fire consuming all that lies available

Fed by a substantial anger remaining so profound

I'm at a constant battle to stay placid and move in stride

Happiness and hope show me to raise my chin

They overcome me and I'm granted a feeling that is stable

Boldly peace yells out making the most joyous sound

I have a gifted ability to recall upon the good
When time begins to slow I am able to observe
My surrounding drawn in and accurately noted
The truth I never wish to distort
Constantly I try to reenact things like I should
I search to find what lays hidden in reserve
With my thoughts I become so bloated
With my poems my scary thoughts depart and I find comfort