Anyone who has read much of my blog, well it wouldn't take them long to notice, all I really wanna do is just have an impact on a few people's lives when mines over. Well a couple of months back a few things made me realize just what it means to do that, and I never even realized I had done it. I've learned to appreciate who I've got and the strength of mind and family I have been blessed with.
I randomly started talking to an acquaintance of mine one day, and we kept our conversation pretty simple at first. We kind of talked about a previous relationship and a person formerly known as my best friend. Then something happened with them and when I expressed my concern they began to just kind of open up to me. Treading lightly at first and soon enough telling me more than they had every told anyone (according to them). I just talked with them about some things for a few hours and did my best to help them with any issue I thought I could.
We just kept kind of periodically talking and I would help them with anyone issues I could and sneak in my advice. Some time had passed since we had talked and one night I made a tweet stating that if I just had altered one person's life in a positive way before I had died my life would have been a success. Soon enough I got a message from anonymous stating that I had helped them more than anyone in the world ever had. They informed me that before we started talking they had cut themselves as a way to bypass the pain of their emotions. Just hearing this made me so humble and appreciate what I have and who I have in my life.
After hearing this I told them how much that really meant to me, and how that was the best thanks I had ever gotten and how it meant more to me than anything ever had. So a couple weeks went by and I hadn't talked to them much, I got caught up in life(So I thought). Well upon talking to them they had informed me they had cut themselves again, I felt like I failed them and let them down. Then some things hit me, I wasn't caught up in life. I was caught up in ME, and making me happier than need be so. Life isn't making money, becoming famous, or going far. Life's helping those that matter, and those that need it a long the way. When you leave this world those are the people standing over you with a tear in there eye, because you had done so much more for them than most people will ever know.
I see this person and they are a kind, passionate, observant, intelligent, wise, gentle, and humble being and I couldn't understand what had led them to do such a thing. Then after talking some more with them I realized it was just the loneliness of being an outcast, not an outcast for any reason but by choice. Honestly I can relate to the feeling. Some people are outcast because they just don't fit, and my heart goes out to them, because they are stronger than most people I know. Me and anonymous though, we've chosen to be a sort of outcast. It's hard when you don't have a desire to be the same as anyone else, to dress the same, act the same, and just be a clone. Not many people understand that, and those that do are so few and far apart it's get's a little lonely.
Opening up about how different you really are is easier said then done, four years ago I made up my mind I wasn't going to be another duplicate. Now I'm really just coming to terms with the decision, It's the best one I've ever made in my life. I'm social, I like to have fun, I'm not shy, I joke around, I talk to everyone, and choosing to be different was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't imagine not doing it without those traits, but here I see this amazing person doing it, and they struggling so hard. How can I help them though? I just don't know, I want to do so much more yet here I am, with so little to offer. It just kills me watching someone who just doesn't know what to do anymore.
So anyhow a couple more weeks go by and another younger acquaintance I had known who had tried to commit suicide a couple weeks back, had messaged me wanting to talk. Just hearing what she had to say and doing my best to help made me realize how similar these people really were. Upon doing my best to help them, they also informed me of their gratitude for my words. First off I want to thank both of these people for making me realize so much, and for letting me help them. Having a positive impact on someones life through my words, is honestly the greatest feeling I've ever known.
Advice to anyone who is reading this and feels likes life throwing all it's got at you. Well before it get's better it's going to get worse. Remember this though (Even though I'm not religious) God gives his toughest assignment to his strongest pawns. I know what it's like to feel like you have no one to talk to, but there is always someone there for you, and at the very least there is always me. When you want to give up on someone, something, or everything thing, don't, things will get better. I can't tell you how many late nights I've spent listening to music as loud as I could, writing, thinking and hating myself for reasons I didn't know. It got me know where, but closer to the bottom of the barrel. Move on from the past, because if you live life looking through the rearview mirror, you'll miss what lies ahead. Live in the present, live for the moment. Don't be afraid to leave people in your life behind, people change, relationships fall apart, it a part of life. Don't be blinded by how good something once was, because it will make you miserable. Do you best to fix it, if your best doesn't work stop right there, because something isn't right. Try and keep it on good terms, and step away.
Getting through times of painful self-evaluation, and philosophical thoughts about your life isn't always easy. However, there are many things that can make it easier for you, unfortunately you must find these on your own. For me it was always writing and woodworking while I listened to my favorite music. For you it could be anything, but make sure at the end of everyday you have time for you and to do what you enjoy most, that's a must for a blissful life, never forget that. Last slow down, take your time, who cares if you don't have that much money in your pocket, or if you sat on the couch all weekend. There's plenty of time for working and making money, and not enough time in this world for some peace. Life's got something good for you, you just have to believe that eventually you'll make it to where you wanna be.
